January 19, 2011


I'm really looking to get motivated into my thesis project. I think not having a "class" where I have to check in on a specific day is really sort of a downer for me.

It's just a test where I have to make sure to be on top of my projects.

Today was just a really bad day altogether.

I realized that the days of my financial independence are gone. I had to close an account that only had $1.95 in it. The other account had $1.65 in it, but Chase figured it would be enough to charge me a fee for not using my ATM card 5 times in one month. Tell me, Chase, what can I buy for $1.65? Nothing. That's why I didn't use it.

I now have to depend on the boyfriend for money. And while he's ok with helping me out. I don't like to take money from anyone, even if it's gladly given. I miss being able to pop by the store if I need something. Or just go on a random shopping trip.

Actually, all of today has been a bad, emotional day for me. Money aside, I just haven't been motivated to do anything but sit on my ass. I know that taking the pooch for a walk would help. I just can't get there.

I found a house for us to buy, that was right at our budget ($150k) and had acreage, secluded, and a shop for me to turn into a studio, but we're just not ready. So  I have to give up momentarily on my search for a house.

I'm in my last semester in school. It's taken me so many years to get here, and it's piling up on top of me. What do I do after this? I'm so scared because I've known for years what to expect. School. Always school. Now..... I have to find work in a field that's so wishy washy, that I'll probably have to work at Wal-Mart until motivation kicks in.

It's just been one of those days.

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