Photo Dump

I don't have anything wordy to say, just a lot of photo updates on my own doll.

Other sketches coming soon.

On my way!

Scared to bits (not really)

Look how sassy! 11-12" tall.

I'm glad I made a small version
of this one, I know what needs
to be worked on when I go to final.

Like I've said. I was generous

This is one of the boxes that will have an
enlarged vintage ad mounted inside it and
hung behind the dolls.

My awesome boyfriend constructed these in and hour

Ignore the messy garage!

Progress, it's possible!

So I started today by blocking access to Facebook from my computer. I feel weird because checking my Facebook page a couple times a day, and wasting time on it, is usually in my schedule. And now I'm not allowed to access it until 8 p.m. 

Adjusting my schedule always makes me feel a little out of sorts. But I've accomplished a lot of work today and I would have been distracted by Facebook had I not blocked access.

I feel PRODUCTIVE!

I have a general layout of the three body shapes that I've chosen to start work on before mid terms. If you've sent me images, or I've talked to you about modeling, I probably won't be able to get to you and your images until some time in March (I haven't made my March calendar up yet).

I had narrowed down my choices from the plethora of photos I'd taken, but still couldn't decide what pose to use for the two other shapes (I'd already decided which photo of mine to use, even if it took two hours of my life away). I'm glad my mentor convinced me that rough sketches were the way to go with the remaining two or three photos because I can see which pose is actually going to highlight the bodies and I wouldn't have been able to tell had I just picked a photo and went with it.

I have always hated thumbnails and rough sketches. I want to get right to the business of working on a piece. I think this is why I love watching other artists' processes because I just have no patience to do it myself. Well, mostly. Documenting my process helps me slow down a bit.

Anyway. On with the process porn. I'm just posting the  process sketches and final ink version of my own doll today. When I get the go-ahead on the other dolls, I'll post the final painted version of my doll and the sketches of the other bodies. Did that make any sense? It will, promise.

I'm pretty proud about how accurate I got
with such a rough sketch. Go me!

Rough sketch and doll layout.

Sketchy doll parts.

Starting to ink the face. Arty!

Sneak peak of my "setup".

Final!

While I was inking the final mockup, I realized I was REALLY generous with my body. I mean, damn! I look amazing. I argued in my head whether it was the fact that, yes, indeed, I was amazing, or that I had taken liberties (as artists sometimes are wont to do). I think it's a little of both. Acceptance of my body is starting to develop, and I may have trimmed a few curves and rolls while I was working on the doll layout. I just know now what to keep an eye on when I go to enlarge it and work on the final.

Not Fat Enough

It's whispered in hushed tones, it's laughed about in school yards. Adults taunt and mock each other about it.

It's FAT.

While I'm not wholly focused on FA (Fat Acceptance for those in the know), I can only really speak from this side of the coin because I've spent the last 7 or so years as the person you see before you. I've never been skinny, per se. My average weight in high school was 150 pounds. I think that's a lovely weight. Even then I was teased for being fat. I just wasn't good enough.

High School 1994

Fast forward to who I am today. Probably 100 pounds heavier, for whatever reasons, my lifestyle changed. I'm not going to live in the past that created how I look today, only work to make myself better from the inside out. And heaven knows, I need to be a lot healthier. Inside and out.

On the same token, for the past several years, while watching absurd diet commercials and collecting images of insanely stupid weight loss ads, I found women who were like me. Who thought society was a bit daft when it came to size acceptance.  I started reading blogs about FA and commenting and talking to other women. But never really felt accepted in the movement. Yeah, I'm used to being "the fat friend" and being teased about my looks. But I've also been told "you're not THAT fat" or "You're not like me". While I've gained a bit in the last two years, I'm still way above what society deems appropriate.

What's wrong with me? 

Nothing.

I was being the victim of what some of these women were accusing other people of being. I was being ignored and looked down upon because I wasn't a size 24, 26 or larger. I wasn't fat enough. Although, I don't participate in these discussions as much as I'd love to (and should), I still see it.

Jenn of today with an insanely adorable baby pigmy goat.

Look ladies. We've had a pretty tough climb to get where we're at today. As women, we still have a bit of mud to trudge through. The last thing we need is to be hateful to each other based on our size. Whether we're too skinny, too fat, not skinny enough, or not fat enough. I've been shamed, I've been bullied, I've been humiliated. Just like a lot of you! It's ridiculous to ridicule me because you think I can't sympathize with you!

Recently I made sort of a ranty comment on a link to a blog post about the author accepting her body at her size that a friend of mine posted on Facebook  (I'll pat myself on the shoulder for my self-righteous attitude right now though). There were some comments made about how the author didn't look "fat" and it chapped my pasty hide.

"Is there a chart where someone can show me what fat looks like? You're not fat if you're over a certain size? Under a certain size?If you compare her to say, what the media says we should look like, yeah, she's fat. If she self-identifies as fat, good for her."

I don't have a lot to follow that up with, but it annoys me that someone's credibility has to relate to how big (or not) their ass is. Take me at my word, not my pant size!

On to the creative crap!

Looking through the images for my own doll image wasn't as Earth shattering as I was hoping it would be. Did I say hoping? Drama Queen. I was still slightly bothered to have to stare at my dimply buns for a long period of time.

I stared at my meaty nay, fat thighs for hours trying to decide which image I was going to use. I wasn't so traumatized by my arms which is weird because I don't wear tank tops or skimpy dresses just for that fact. It was my thighs. The main thing that I was focused on was to keep the negative self-talk to a minimum. I am not here for that, I'm here to make art!

The five faces of Jenn. (And her fat arms)

I'm not telling what image I used, you're just going to have to wait. And stare in amazement at my lovely arms!

I want to share my ROUGH sketches and mockups. Because that's what we're here for... the creative porn. (I wonder how this is going to show up in Google searches).

Doll roughs. Not meant to be a aesthetic reproduction of
the final. I blurred the names of my models (save for me)
to protect their privacy.

Just a quick and ugly idea of what I'm working on.

A rough idea of how they're going to be installed.

I'm hoping create a stand of some sort that's going to sit on the ground in front of the hanging vintage ads. This idea is far better than my original, where I had the dolls mounted inside the frames. This had my panel concerned that my idea wasn't very apparent.

Hard to tell, but I'm working things out visually. How
I'm going to mount the vintage ads, how I'm going to
display my dolls, what size wood to use.

That's about it for now. I promise the next update won't be so lengthy and opinionated. Ok, I can't promise.  But I hope that there is more art and less opinion.

But finally, I really want to thank the people who've offered to model for me. Even if I don't use you all, I'm so appreciative of the support that you've offered. It's hard to get people to allow themselves to be photographed, let alone in underwear or tight fitting clothes. Trust me, I  know!

Creative Stuff, coming to a screen near you

Hold on to your pants, boys and girls. New artwork (read:sketches) that pertain to my thesis are on their way.
I just finished shooting my first model and should be photographing myself in the next day or so. Which means mockups for my first couple dolls are on their way!

Update

I'm going to leave this project here, where it stands. You get the idea.
Although, I may just post the final in my art blog.

The paper this doll was created on is the smoothest paper I've worked with. It's like butter, and I hope it's watercolor paper and not printmaking paper. It's off-white, which saves me the trouble of having to tint it myself.
I need to take a scrap of it to the art store and see who makes it. It doesn't have a watermark on it. When I find out who makes it, I'm buying a case. At first, I didn't think it would stand up to the paint and would wrinkle, and bend. It did a little but I flattened it. As soon as I cut the parts out, I realized that this may be the paper I need for the final. I'll see, as soon as I assemble everything together.

I'm glad I made a better mockup. This last project took a lot of valuable time away from my other work, but I learned a lot about my process and how I'll end up assembling the finals next semester. I'm sure there is a lot more plotting that needs to be done, but that is also just part of the process.