While I was taking them, I didn't seem to have an issue, but now that I've looked at them, up comes the old "I hate looking at full body shots" issue I had when I started my thesis. You'd think I'd be a little further with my body issues, since I've been doing so much research, drawing and painting.
Wait, let me back up a little. I DID photograph myself in my underwear (pretty cute undies if I do say so myself). And while I was a little uncomfortable sharing the images at first, I figured I'd share them on my Tumblr page and Facebook page. What's the big deal with me in a dress?
I honestly don't know. But it all came crashing down on me when I took these photos. Sometimes a high-waisted dress will make me arch my back while I'm wearing it, thus making me look pregnant-y.
This made me think: this body acceptance thing is such a process. I thought it would be really easy. I do research, I photograph models of varying body shapes, I draw, I paint. I've been immersed in this process for a couple of months, I should be a lot further. While I feel better than when I started, I guess I expected to be a glowing model of how a woman could turn her mental attitude around.
I hate the way I look in these photos. I love the way I looked in the dress when I put it on. I was so glad that it fit just about right, and looked really cute on me. I hate how the camera makes me look bigger. Or maybe my brain makes me look smaller. I catch myself walking past mirrors and saying to myself "I look pretty good, I like the way I look". But when forced to look at full-length photos of myself, I can't stand it.
It's a wake up call to realize that this process is more involved and longer than I thought. I've come a long way, and I still have a little bit of a hurdle to jump. But maybe it's the wake up call I need to be more actively engaged in the process.
Here they are:
|Me. Dogs. They had to be involved.|
|I'm so white, the flash washes|